Uphill battle with weight and self-esteem

I have been gaining weight. I wish I weren't. I tell myself I am more than this number on the scale. I tell myself what I tell my clients--that being healthy doesn't equate with a body type. The difference is that I was a weight loss story. I went from over 200 lbs down to a slimmer runner's body. I could move better, felt better and had higher self-esteem. And I was treated better in some ways by the world.

I ran half my IT100 race in late April and had gained a bit of weight while still running and training. In May I got the hypothyroid diagnosis and many symptoms kept me from running which has been hard. But the most difficult thing is my weight. Without doing much different I keep gaining and it is hard on a person who was a weight loss success story to start putting it back on. The depression can get real.

People think it is because i have stopped running but I still move all the time. Just not running. When you don't have a car you move a lot more than people think you do. I walk all over the place, run for buses, take my bike.....movement every day. Even when I am home I don't spend a lot of time on the couch.

But, still, the pounds keep coming. As a trainer I feel I should be able to stop this from happening. It takes a great toll on me to realize that it is going to be an uphill battle now. Even when I start running again-hopefully in a couple of weeks-I am going to add going to the YMCA to my schedule so that I can continue to fight this through the winter.

Though I know I am a decent person and that weight doesn't equal my worth it can still be hard to keep in the ring when you feel you are losing the battle. My metabolism is slowed now and so it is just a fight to the finish.

I hope I win.