People's misconceptions about hidden disabilities and work issues

  I really questioned if i was going to write this. Then i questioned if I would release it but I think it's important for people to know. I have been told before over and over that I am able bodied and there should be no reason i can't work.
  Living with a hidden disability can be frustrating. People do not know you are sick because you don't look like you are. You have no cane, wheelchair or seeing eye dog. You are not outwardly showing symptoms, you can hold a conversation. I do have a visible sign of my disability. I have a benign tremor. That means I shake.....pretty much all the time. It gets worse when I am stressed or when I have to concentrate really hard on something. Some glitch in the nervous system I guess.
   I can sometimes get really upset at something that wouldn't upset someone more healthy. I can have obsessive thoughts that guide my behavior. I am forgetful, distant, spacey and require more patience from bosses and co-workers. I can make mistakes on simple tasks. I can get tired more easily and my mind can wear out more quickly and then my thinking problems only get worse.
    I can get anxiety talking to customers or dealing with difficult personal situations. I do not learn as fast as I wish I did. It took me three months at my job to finally get down the drinks and still i make mistakes and my co-workers have been very patient with me but I know it can be frustrating. If I work too many hours I get too stressed and tired and the quality of my work suffers.
    I may have to quit my job. I love my job. I love being a barista. I have worked so hard. I always work hard. People think if you are receiving any benefits and you are not visibly disabled you are cheating the system. But I have had trouble working or working consistently for a long time. I know as a certified barista i can find another job working starbucks at a time when things are humming along better. The only thing is when I have good days I feel so good!! When I am on top of the drinks, can handle a rush, am on with all the prep work it feels so good.
    But I get home and pretty much crash every day. And on my days off usually glued to the couch. I have good days off too. I sometimes go to my stress reliever---the woods. That always helps my anxiety. That is why I am a trail runner. The quiet of the woods really brings down those inner voices that get me overthinking and worrying.
   I hope we can work something out. I wanted that coffee master apron and to go to the district championships. I thought this time i could keep working with no problems. But after a couple of panic attacks at work and some days of depression while trying to work it may be i must admit it's time to go. I hope not. I really do.