The benefits of periods of celibacy

   Why when I look up the subject of celibacy online it always points me to religious reasons or a disdain or dislike for physical closeness with someone? Pictures in the mind of one who is left alone through some defect of character, history, baggage or looks?

   In my life I have at times practiced long periods of celibacy. This is not because I can't attract someone or are religiously motivated. All it means is that for a time I choose to go without the pressures and difficulties of a relationship. This includes sex as I need true feelings to have a sexual experience. As I grow older this is more and more important to me.

  I do not feel as though I am missing out on something when I take these periods of celibacy. After my partner died in 2007 I went many years fully celibate. It was a time to work on myself, go through my grieving process without a rebound relationship to latch onto for some co-dependent need. I worked on my health, both physically; mentally and emotionally, and felt a freedom not to invest my time in pursuing sexual avenues. I found my expression in physical exertion, learning new things, meeting new people, getting involved with my community and finding hitherto unknown strengths I had lost in the maze of previous relationships. I sorted myself out, found out who I was and felt free.

  I have since had some relationships with some very good women who I still talk to today. We have no enmity towards each other though things may have had some tumultuous times during our courtship. After each one I go through a period of celibacy. Some last longer than others. I call this celibacy rather than lonely searching because that is not what it is to me. It's a time to regroup, figure out what went wrong in my previous relationship--how could I have made it better?

  Right now I am at times a year in between physical encounters. I am happy when they happen and I feel content when they are not. My purpose here is to make my life the best it can be--to overcome obstacles when they present themselves--to take care of myself one day at a time and become the best person I can be--my healthiest, at peace with life, make amends and heal my current relationships with friends and family. I want to be a whole person and if I find someone I can go through my days with free of the drama of attachment issues and problems from the past then I will receive that as a gift and go forth. Until such time I am happy to be where I am--making strides towards completeness within my life and within myself.

Celibacy---not a dirty word.