Poem: Burning stars and flaming souls

 Burning stars and flaming souls

Sometimes what you need is all you need.

What you want is your life your way

your differences are your shield
and your world is always your own.

There is a place deep within us

that knows what keeps us whole

and that great inner galaxy

swirls with desperate intensity

Setting the worlds around on fire.

The mind can be an Escher maze

where things are upside down and inside out.

We walk the stairs and find ourselves the wrong way 'round.

But there is always a light that guides us

If we can recognize it through the haze.

Bring your deep within to me

And let me see your darkness

For I will not run and I will not hide

Because our nightfall is the same.

When you feel the icy hand of terror

Covering your heart and freezing the soul

Remember I am here for you

I am not afraid of tears

And despair has been a companion

that's walked beside me many times.

Let’s be stars together

Shining in the night

Spinning together toward that

Clear and dazzling light.

Heather Lake

Soul singing in Virginia

I walk through tall trees,
green lichen covers the rocks
and I place my feet
one step at a time
upon this old and glorious earth.

Rock stairs and craggy paths
lead me towards the top of the world
where fields and mountains
lay below me--a quilt of green
and the distant range so blue
it looks like waves of water.

It looks unreal.

The wind at the top blows
my hair into spirals
spinning around my head.
I stand on a rock and
gaze toward the landscape
feeling the ancient hills
breathing the rhythm of the world.

Feeling the definition of the Hand of God

Pine trees all around me now
and an army of scrub brush
I find the fabled AT trail.
I feel like I'm with a celebrity
walking this famous path.
I climb another hill and hear the rumble of thunder
And watch a dark plume of storm cloud burst from the next peak.

I stop and lay down on the grass,
putting my hands upon the ground
and send up a thank you to the sky

Hiking past waterfalls and rock-strewn paths
I see the wild ponies grazing.
A pregnant mare, a sweet foal and beautiful stallions calmly pluck grass ignoring our excited photo taking.

And when my adventure is done
I return to my friends
Who shared this with me
And my soul healing knows no bounds

Heather Lake
Upon visiting the mountains of Virginia

A trip down memory lane with the grandkids

My life has had so many wonderful moments with my family given to me thanks to Melinda. I have been with the girls since they were little all the way up to now when the eldest girl will be turning 18 tomorrow.  Tempus Fugit!


Rain as a baby. Look at that smile!

Here is the beginning of our shared family. Nikki was Melinda's daughter and Rain and Sky came with Nikki when she moved down here. It was the beginning of something that would affect me the rest of my life. Even though we lost Melinda in 2007 she left behind a legacy.

 This was when I first met Sky. She was just a baby with such fine, light hair it wouldn't stay down and looked almost white. Big eyes. She wasn't talking yet when I first got to know her.

Melinda, my late wife, and rain when she was 2 years old. I love this photo. 

Rain blowing bubbles out in the yard at our little house. She was so easy to please and she enjoyed such little things. And so inquisitive.

Here is Sky during her Head Start years. She loved to make art and was very good at it. These days she enjoys books. 

We lived in this little 2 bedroom house with their mom. It was crowded but fun and busy. The girls were growing up so much! Sky above is brushing my hair and there she is about 2 sleeping.

This one is one of my favorites. Sky in her cool sunglasses makes me smile  :-)

Rain is feeding her dolly. So intent on her motherly duties!

The BIG KID bus! How exciting!

Rain's first day of kindergarten. So nervous but so excited for the big bus and the big school.  Seeing her getting on that bus was a big moment for all of us. And there she went.....starting school. 

A year after Melinda passed away Ocean was born. This photo is of Rain, Sky and Ocean in their family portrait. 

This photo was actually taken in the dark with a flash camera. We were singing happy birthday to her and i guess she didn't want to hear it. Ha. Got her a spongebob cake and I bought her a mini electric guitar. 

Just giving her a squeeze! Ocean is 2 now.

Sky and Ocean. So sweet!

I love this photo of Rain and Sky. So pretty and peaceful looking. 

Took Ocean to the park. She is almost as big as I am! I think she will be tall. It was a beautiful day 

Ocean getting used to a headlamp maybe be a runner like her grandma. Getting started on her strength training too with an exercise ball. They loved playing with my exercise stuff. 

This was a day all three of them were playing outside on their bikes and just goofing around. Rain was being extremely silly. Sky was hanging out watching the action. Ocean was enjoying her tricycle. It was a lovely summer day.

Goofing off with cat face   

I took this quick candid shot of Rain. I love it so much. Her easy smile and smiling eyes. She looks so happy and relaxed. Getting bigger all the time!








Sky trying on the marathon gear. Maybe she will go for one someday! She loved to wear the reflective blanket and the medal.

Sky is ready to be a marathon champion! Look at that face. Ready to take on the world!

This was my first photo taken with Savanna. She was born after Ocean. So little here!

Savanna falling asleep at the Women's Reproductive Rights Rally. It wore her out! she is wearing her pink ribbon

Ocean, Savanna and I last summer. Two shiny girls and a very proud grandma.

Getting
      some
          hugs
              from
                  Rain
              and
    Sky

Love my girls!!!! 

Ocean, last November, celebrating her 9th birthday. She is getting to be such a big girl. Time goes by so quickly. It's important to capture what you can while its here.

A photo of the whole family. Nikki, Rain, Sky, Ocean, Savanna and the little guy with the Ipad is JJ. The whole crew present and accounted for!

So many years later and we are still a great family. Rain is turning 18 tomorrow. An official adult. From little tiny to lovely young woman. Sky isn't far behind her--turning to an interesting young woman herself. Savanna and Ocean are in school and JJ will be following soon enough.


I have such gratitude for all these times with the kids, with Nikki, with Melinda. Families aren't always born of blood but of love.

I love my family so much and so happy to have them. Everyone growing up before my eyes and I get to see all the changes and experiences. I am a very lucky woman.

Snow Day: A poem

Snow Day

Snow falling on trees

branches swirled like spider webs

in the sun,

a reflection of light and

perpetuation of shadows

guiding me on my walk today.

The snow like a white ribbon

scarcely used and devoid

of footprints--

the world is quiet,

no birdsong,

the wind a companion

that brings flakes to my eyes.

The early morning silence

falls into my ears

I feel deaf

and I cannot hear my feet walking.

Out in that swirling maelstrom

of white there lies a secret

that the cold whispers to me.

“Great things happen in the absence of noise”

My soul lies still

relaxation of my busy desires.

I long only, for a moment,

to dream in my inner space.

H.Rose

Me Too

I'm encouraged by the posts about sexual assault to briefly tell you my story. When I was a teen I had left home at 16 and was down in Kansas city without parents or family. Due to an unfortunate event I was briefly homeless.

One night I had gone to a park with my backpack and a blanket to sleep there. I saw a man approach from the dark side of the park. I saw a glint of metal and realized he had a gun. I tucked my knife back into my backpack so as not to provoke him

He sat at the table holding the gun facing me. I tried to fake him out saying I had a boyfriend who was coming soon.

He held the gun to my head, had me lay down on the picnic bench and told me if I made a sound he would shoot. He then raped me. After he told me to lay still and count to 100. If I got up before that he said he would shoot me.

Since I was a wayward teenager sleeping in a park the police weren't inclined to work very hard. They just asked me what did I think being in the park at night. Look at my little shorts and t-shirt. Basically I was treated as a druggie runaway not worthy of much time nor investigation.

So there is my story. Short. It happened. That's life and it sucks and it should never happen to anyone. I am glad the Me Too thing is going viral. Maybe something will happen. I hope so.

The child within--a poem

There once was an older woman
who felt often like a child.
She wanted still to reach the moon,
hold it in her hands,
fly among the stars
to land in Neverland.
Fall down a long rabbit hole,
meet a magic smiling cat,
have tea with the Mad Hatter,
have him make her a brand new hat.

She bravely set out each morning
with her backpack on her back,
hoping for a magic mirror
or meet a boy with a pure white cow--
a boy whose name was Jack.
She counted numbers to find
their careful hidden codes,
drew pictures of her dreams,
and she always kept in her mind
that things were never as they seem.

So when you see a woman,
with hair that's grey and white.
Remember that she hides an inner child
who guides her day and night.

H.Rose

The benefits of periods of celibacy

   Why when I look up the subject of celibacy online it always points me to religious reasons or a disdain or dislike for physical closeness with someone? Pictures in the mind of one who is left alone through some defect of character, history, baggage or looks?

   In my life I have at times practiced long periods of celibacy. This is not because I can't attract someone or are religiously motivated. All it means is that for a time I choose to go without the pressures and difficulties of a relationship. This includes sex as I need true feelings to have a sexual experience. As I grow older this is more and more important to me.

  I do not feel as though I am missing out on something when I take these periods of celibacy. After my partner died in 2007 I went many years fully celibate. It was a time to work on myself, go through my grieving process without a rebound relationship to latch onto for some co-dependent need. I worked on my health, both physically; mentally and emotionally, and felt a freedom not to invest my time in pursuing sexual avenues. I found my expression in physical exertion, learning new things, meeting new people, getting involved with my community and finding hitherto unknown strengths I had lost in the maze of previous relationships. I sorted myself out, found out who I was and felt free.

  I have since had some relationships with some very good women who I still talk to today. We have no enmity towards each other though things may have had some tumultuous times during our courtship. After each one I go through a period of celibacy. Some last longer than others. I call this celibacy rather than lonely searching because that is not what it is to me. It's a time to regroup, figure out what went wrong in my previous relationship--how could I have made it better?

  Right now I am at times a year in between physical encounters. I am happy when they happen and I feel content when they are not. My purpose here is to make my life the best it can be--to overcome obstacles when they present themselves--to take care of myself one day at a time and become the best person I can be--my healthiest, at peace with life, make amends and heal my current relationships with friends and family. I want to be a whole person and if I find someone I can go through my days with free of the drama of attachment issues and problems from the past then I will receive that as a gift and go forth. Until such time I am happy to be where I am--making strides towards completeness within my life and within myself.

Celibacy---not a dirty word.