North Dakota-1977

North dakota 1977

I walk outside in the winter,

The air to me smells like raw bacon.

I do not know why.

The snow blows in a blindness of white

 the sky a plate glass grey.

I walk to school,

8 years old and I walk alone.

I will find my way there.

My shoes shelve snowy flakes

upon my small, cold toes

and though my coat is warm

I still breathe the icy morning

my breath puffing out in long,

white strands.

This early, there is only the

low, milky sun and I

following our selected courses

And I ask the birds as I pass by

“Where do you go when the wind blows?”.

I worry for the birds.

I sift through snowy flakes on the ground,

feeling the small, cold pearls

of frozen bits here and there.

Making a wish that my eyes could see

something beyond the white

and feel warm again.

But here the air is cut through

like knives in my lungs.

I walk still down the street

And think of nothing.

Mind blank like the white morning.



Heather Lake

She is the messiness of love

A tiny light that has no meaning beyond being.
She has no further ambition. 
Only to live,
teasing from life the essence of every moment,
to draw out every gasp of breath,
every furrowed brow thought,
every fevered dream.
She is Life.
She is that love that breathes in 3am talks and midnight teary hugs.
She is not the noonday, coffee shop love but the messiness of emotion
thrown wildly through darkened rooms of the soul.
She is the love of family strife and redemption.
The fearful goodbyes.,
 the edge in the eyes when one recalls the memory of a tight hug in
the midst of grief.
She is the beat of our lives.
We are never truly alone
That most complicated of things :the human heart.

Heather Lake

A little update on myself for 2019

      It's been awhile since I have been able to do my blog. My computer broke 6 months ago and since I couldn't figure out how to fix it i just disassembled it and put it in the closet and bought a typewriter which is awesome for writing but you can't post it online.
   Christmas was fun. I worked some and got to visit some friends and enjoyed just relaxing at home. I worked Christmas Eve at the community kitchen packing to go meals for people.
  These days I have been very busy working at Feta, the middle eastern restaurant I am employed at. I enjoy working with people and the crew there are all very nice and hard working. I am starting to work as a prep cook too which is fun to learn how to make all the dishes.
   The other day I made the pickled cauliflower which is a kind of lengthy process. I cut up all the cauliflower, then made and cooked the brine and put it all together. It's pretty tasty. I am learning the proper way to cut herbs and how to make various things. I have never been a very complicated cook so it's fun to learn new ways to prepare things.
  I have been reading a  lot as well. I have usually 4 books going at the same time. Right now I am reading a Jack Keroak novel and a J.D. Salinger book of short stories. I am also working on Life of Pi and a book called Nevermore which is a collection of short stories inspired by the works of Edgar Allen Poe.
  Joint problems, muscle pain and back issues have stymied much of my physical activities these days so I am looking into starting Yoga and Tai Chi for Arthritis at the YMCA. Getting up and down is difficult now with my knees as they are but I figure I can do some things with Yoga and perhaps my mobility will get better with it.
  I miss running but it is just not possible for me anymore. I do still enjoy walking in the woods and being outdoors however and in the warmer weather I spend a lot of time on my commuter bike and walking. I walk in the winter as well unless it's really deathly cold.
   I am working on getting out more. Actually I have been working on that for quite some time now. I had a nice experience working with some students from IU this fall. The speech and hearing center at IU put it together for me.
   Three students (a medical student, a social work student and a speech therapy student plus a  mentor) came to my house once a month for three months. We worked on ways to improve my memory, get more social and work on some medical issues. They were very nice and helpful.  I had done the same thing last year.
  So looking into the new year I am working on some personal things. One is to continue to find social experiences, especially as it gets warmer and it's easier to get out. Another is to continue to work on several health issues. And, last but not least, celebrate my 50th birthday in September. Thinking of something special to do for that.

I hope all of you have a happy, healthy 2019!

The Invitation. A poem

 The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love
For your dream
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
Mine or your own
Without moving to hide it
Or fade it
Or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
Mine or your own
If you can dance with wildness
And let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us
To be careful
To be realistic
To remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if what you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and still trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it's not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life from it's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
Yours and mine
And still stand at the edge of the lake
And shout to the silver moon
"YES".

It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone
And still do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire
With me
And not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside
When all else fades away.

I want to know if you can be alone
And if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Heather

Sleep treads water-a poem

Sleep treads water.
I ask it to fall deep
and bring me to my silent place.
My thoughts drip down -
rain falling on a plane of glass
and dark around me,
stars brilliant upon the cold night sky.
A night where sleep slips
from my grasp-
dashes off like a bird in flight
or a momentary scent
of sweetness as you pass
an open, flowery field.
It's ephemeral tonight
this drifting down
to rest-to solid slumber
and with every breath I take
the clock ticks onward
stealing bits of sleep from me.
My eyes are weary
and long to touch lash to lash
bringing me down to the deep

Heather Rose

Poem: Burning stars and flaming souls

 Burning stars and flaming souls

Sometimes what you need is all you need.

What you want is your life your way

your differences are your shield
and your world is always your own.

There is a place deep within us

that knows what keeps us whole

and that great inner galaxy

swirls with desperate intensity

Setting the worlds around on fire.

The mind can be an Escher maze

where things are upside down and inside out.

We walk the stairs and find ourselves the wrong way 'round.

But there is always a light that guides us

If we can recognize it through the haze.

Bring your deep within to me

And let me see your darkness

For I will not run and I will not hide

Because our nightfall is the same.

When you feel the icy hand of terror

Covering your heart and freezing the soul

Remember I am here for you

I am not afraid of tears

And despair has been a companion

that's walked beside me many times.

Let’s be stars together

Shining in the night

Spinning together toward that

Clear and dazzling light.

Heather Lake

Soul singing in Virginia

I walk through tall trees,
green lichen covers the rocks
and I place my feet
one step at a time
upon this old and glorious earth.

Rock stairs and craggy paths
lead me towards the top of the world
where fields and mountains
lay below me--a quilt of green
and the distant range so blue
it looks like waves of water.

It looks unreal.

The wind at the top blows
my hair into spirals
spinning around my head.
I stand on a rock and
gaze toward the landscape
feeling the ancient hills
breathing the rhythm of the world.

Feeling the definition of the Hand of God

Pine trees all around me now
and an army of scrub brush
I find the fabled AT trail.
I feel like I'm with a celebrity
walking this famous path.
I climb another hill and hear the rumble of thunder
And watch a dark plume of storm cloud burst from the next peak.

I stop and lay down on the grass,
putting my hands upon the ground
and send up a thank you to the sky

Hiking past waterfalls and rock-strewn paths
I see the wild ponies grazing.
A pregnant mare, a sweet foal and beautiful stallions calmly pluck grass ignoring our excited photo taking.

And when my adventure is done
I return to my friends
Who shared this with me
And my soul healing knows no bounds

Heather Lake
Upon visiting the mountains of Virginia